Oh goodness

So I realsize that in life you fall in love a lot and get your heart broken a lot.  I wish that weren't true.  I know there is a difference between loving someone and falling in love with them.  I genuinely loved and cared for someone. A guy. And I was pretty sure I was falling for him.  Now he is out of my life. We don't speak or anything and I feel like he hates me but I have no idea what I did to him. I know it's wrong but I miss everything about him.  I hate this feeling more than anything in the world cause I know he is comepletely over it and having a good time with his life while I am still trying to get over him. It suckssssss.  I wonder why God puts us in these situations. I really do.

Supposed Epiphany

So high school is definitely a hand full. I guess I didn't really know what to expect but this epiphany of "boys suck" is interesting. Not as cool as I thought it would be but I suppose i feel awesome for reaching my epiphany that a lot of girls probably don't get.   In this supposed epiphany I discovered that I am really really young ,pretty much. I don't know the difference between loving a dog and a boy. I mean seriously is any girl my age really able to say with all her heart and soul that she would die for the boy they are dating?  After having this epiphany I've become a little scared to be honest.  I'm worried that I'll let a boy ruin my life. A boy that's not worth it.  I'm so afraid of a stupid boy sabotaging my dreams that I'm so extremely passionate about.  But at the same time I don't know when the right time is to open my heart up to possibilities again.  I'm just so afraid of screwing up my life.  I wish I could just have God give me a run-threw or a playbook of what I'm supposed to do with my self exactly. I know what I want to accomplish with myself but I just don't know if that's my destiny. Life is soo much more complicated than I thought it would be.  Wish me luck.